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Layers and Layers and Layers

06/24/2010

I have heard of layers in therapy peeling them away to get healthy, but I had no idea how tough it could be or is.  I have been building up tension, anxiety, anger, and frustration the past couple of weeks.  As it has mounted I shut down and yelled at God for it, as God is suppose to be helping.  The PTSD symptoms are so severe as I have rid the layers of depression and suicide thoughts.   I found out from a knowledgeable person Kathleen Christ as she did water therapy on me and cranial sacral therapy to help me with these PTSD symptoms that my depression and suicidal thoughts are a layer of protection that are at a vibration of almost zero. Hence, the lack of function and living.  When it comes to remove those layers through therapy and activities and positive thoughts and active removal of living at zero new layers emerge and for me and most victims of sexual abuse this next layer is symptoms of PTSD involving anger, anxiety, rage, frustration, and volatile moods.  These levels of PTSD symptoms vibrate at around 90 which will remind you of the question… “Are you angry?”  “yes” is the answer “You feel like you are alive don’t you?”  “yes”… To feel alive has its drawbacks and obstacles.  She did the water therapy and I was great for about three hours and then the anger came up again.  I fell back into my cycle I have been trying to rid myself of “SLEEPING IT AWAY”.  I slept from 5 pm to 9 pm and now I am up until all hours.  What set this off was a letter from the city of Saint Louis falsely accusing me of not paying taxes and setting me with 15 days to pay a false claim sent by them or be jailed with a warrant for my arrest.  HOW DARE THEY AND IN RAGE I CALLED THEM TO FIND OUT WHY THEY WOULD ISSUE A FALSE ARREST AND NOT HAVE LAWS TO help ADULTS GOING THROUGH VICTIMIZATION AND DENIALS BY AUTHORITIES.  They fixed the problem finally after hours of wasting my day with an apology and if I had not called them about it I would have been arrested in 15 days.  Where are the arrests of the hierarchy of the Vatican and Diocese around the world and especially in the United States for stealing souls and causing suicides and causing adults like myself a lifetime of pain?  I asked them this simple question of why a letter of notice for 15 days falsely for taxes already paid and no arrests for these pedophiles protected by their own clever manipulation of laws?  Where is justice OH JEHOVAH!!!!!!!!!!!  WHERE AND WHEN IS IT GOING TO COME!!!!!!!!!!!!!  The answers I received were neglect at best…. One answer from the scheduler of the mayor was “We have separation of church and state.”  another answer was from the office of the city of Saint Louis treasury and he said “You should take that up with Jennifer Joyce and her number is (314) 622-4941 begin_of_the_skype_highlighting              (314) 622-4941      end_of_the_skype_highlighting as she is the saint louis city circuit attorney’s office.”  Okay, I will find out why and ask her.

Jennifer Joyce office responds…. Ed Postauko of the office returned my call to the Saint Louis circuit attorney’s office and informed me I should lobby my state offices. Missouri offices to be contacted and written to or petitioned are my state legislator of my area for my district. Asking a process to take place of lobbying for new laws and better laws needs to be done. As my situation statue of limitations is up as I have given the Archdiocese of Saint Louis ample time to hear my story in 2008 and do something about it and they failed to do so moving the arch bishop of Saint Louis to Rome to be one of 8 Vatican Canon lawyers in the world (former arch bishop of saint louis Burke) and also moving a priest on the board I presented my case to all the way to Tennessee to be an Arch Bishop of Tennessee (Father Stika).

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. 01/16/2011 11:01 pm

    Great post….you are free to visit my blog which is devoted to the topic of PTSD related to rape and sexual assault/abuse. There are many layers, many…even when you think you are getting to the last of them, suddenly there are more! That is PTSD, but you are on the right track! I also refer to PTSD as coming in Tides and Waves….just as one tide comes in and washes over you and you think you’re getting better, a wave of memories/symptoms comes right back over you. I have just gone through my “anger” stage…and still, randomly, I find anger is still there. But facing the anger and acknowledging it is actually a really big step in healing!
    Best of luck in your recovery!
    http://walkinthedark.com

    • 01/17/2011 3:46 am

      Thank you and you in yours …. It is he’ll at times and unfortunately more times than we like…. I will go on your blog and post…. You feel free to add on http://www.healingsexualabuse.wordpress.com as well and thank you for your comments and feel free to email at 4 survivors@healingsexualabuse.info

  2. 08/08/2010 12:49 am

    layers…. Yes… they’re so many. It’s hard to face them at times. I like your post !

    • 01/17/2011 3:50 am

      I like your blog and I hope this response finds you well…. I love your journaling…. I posted a poem on your blog …. I don’t know if it posted or not…. Love ya… You are so beautiful

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