Waking up from a long bout of depression
I was doing very well march of 2010 through July of 2010 and in July I began to backslide to almost rock bottom through December of 2010 and in 2011 I am picking up the pieces once again in my trainwrecked life. Depression and not participating in life and quitting all activities was all I could do, so existing doing nothing was all I could do to cope…. It was also a wrestling with God in my mind of why can God allow this sexual abuse to happen to children. Its also a spiritual battle i am determined to fight and win. Part of the only way I can fight is giving in to the depression and sleeping because it is too painful to fight it and exhausting. Part of the fight is refusing to accept what the Vatican is doing wrong and what the Vatican is lacking doing nothing proving to us that some are sick with pedophilia and most are either afraid to do the right thing or are intimidated by go along to get along and get ahead for themselves instead of doing right for the victims. I do accept that wrongs have happened to me and forgive them, and by all that is good I also accept that holding the Vatican and all parishes around the world accountable to protect the innocent is even more important to verify to myself my life is and will be worth living no matter how much pain I have experienced and will experience in doing so. So I fight spiritually mostly because it seems it is all I have, due to the lack of people in this world who are in power and behind the Catholic stronghold that is unGodly.
My prayer is this:
God, i know You and i know free will is part of Your design and how Your universe we are a part of has physical form we can see and spiritual form we cannot see…. I still believe in You and we need Your divine righteousness to set things straight because we have exhausted ourselves and destroyed ourselves to a spark to fight for a better tomorrow for our children who are Your children.
God, this is the problem as you already know: there are 14,000 + survivors of sexual abuse who have come forward to make cases against the perpetrating pedophiles in our catholic churches in the United States… In the world it is heart crushing as the effects to the secular world causing and contributing to an unestimatable amount of damage to innocent children and young teenagers is even more damaging …. there are equally damaging problems in the world like wars and other injustices such as human trafficking … I am asking you to continue in helping stop the hierarchy of the roman catholic church from the Vatican down to every single parish in the world from covering up their sins and continue to poison our children with molestation and rape causing an epidemic of unestimatable consequences to lives and societies of our world. Cleaning this up will majorly contribute to a cleaner and safer secular world because if the heart of the world’s power structure which the Vatican is, will limit majorly the injustices done to children in the secular world…..
How can I think or say such a thing…. Because my perpetrator in 1987 through 1989 in his own words and actions through the social arenas of the Vatican and the Saint Louis archdiocese helped get a judge on the juvenile bench of the Saint Louis court system where they had a pedophile ring selecting the weak kids who wouldn’t talk…. He was also part of the St. Louis Archdiocese small bunch who were molesting kids in the grade schools and high schools of parishes who were priests and lay persons and teachers….. Any avenue they could find they were selecting the weak kids who they groomed to not talk like my perpetrator was also involved with Junior Achievement in the St. Louis area grooming kids there too… He also talked about how he claimed he was helping kids In west county with drug problems and selecting the weak teenagers raping and molesting the weak ones there too… Ken Patrette was of the shrewdest of predators… Saint Louis should pass this true story around to hopefully get more brave suffering survivors to come forward and begin to heal and hold the Vatican more accountable as well as the Saint Louis Archdiocese.